elessa: (wyveri)
Fear of the unknown. In this case, the source of significant pain.

As a dutiful sheep I go every two years or so for a mammogram. When I haven't gone I receive postcards reminding me that I ought to. Who would have thought it would be difficult to actually schedule one when concerned about breast pain.

This morning I call to schedule a mammogram. Been there, done that. Except this time when the scheduler asks if there is any pain I answer "yes". Well, that changes everything. I cannot schedule an appointment without a referral from a doctor. Nevermind that the last three I have had I didn't need one. The reason given that that more tests will be conducted in addition to the mammogram.

Ok, fine.

Schedule a doctor appoint at a local care clinic with zoom in/zoom out services. (I love the facility and have been using it for four years). Anyway, doctor palpitates, but finds nothing out of the ordinary. Writes a referral due to my explaining I am in significant, unexplained pain.

Think ice pick being jammed into your body.

As soon as I walk out, I call the breast clinic to schedule a mammogram. Nope. Can't schedule. They need the doctor's order. I explain I have a hard copy of the order. How long will they remain open. Ok, another hour. I drive over.

It has now been seventeen minutes from the time I called to when I arrive. I hand over the copy. Nope. Can't schedule because it has to come directly from the doctor's office.

The receptionist calls the clinic. Theoretically an official copy will be received tomorrow. The scheduler should contact me.

All I know is that I am in serious pain that I want explained. I also know women who died from breast cancer as well as women who have survived it. I just hope that I don't have cancer.
elessa: (rainbow)


tonight on ABC World News there was a story about the army of women research project. they are looking for one million women to register to participate in breast cancer research. they are looking not only for women who have, or have had breast cancer, but those of us who do not.

research is being conducted to determine why some of us do not fall prey to this insidious disease. there is no history of breast cancer in my family. i hope it remains that way for myself and my relatives. i registered. will you?

i do this in your memory, bern. gods, i miss you... i still see you in the clouds as an angel.
elessa: (tig-alert)
over the past few weeks i have noticed my grumpy old man has had difficulty when eating. he has also begun getting sick to his stomach. not hairball sick. digestion sick.

*sigh

last night he threw up blood.

went to the vet clinic, gateway animal animal hospital (thanks, [livejournal.com profile] donnaricci!) to have him looked at.

he has an infection in his gums which will be treated with antibiotic drops. i am guessing from his reaction they taste nasty.

however, the vomiting is due to a rather massive internal tumor which was revealed by xray. the vet suggested surgery as an option. i declined.

he has had a good life. the pain of surgery, the recovery time would be long, and the uncertainty of whether it will even help at his age made me render the immediate decision of not to have surgery.

i had already contemplated the possibility of a prognosis like this. i was prepared to give that answer.

as long as he continues to be active, loving and happy i shall make him comfortable. i know he will tell me when he is ready to depart.

tis so hard to think about without tears.

i shall miss him so badly. he has been part of my life for nearly sixteen years. i can't imagine what it shall be like to come home to an empty apartment.

i shall enjoy the time i left with him in the meantime.
elessa: (rainbow)
today i received an e-mail from a friend with regard to a sale on pins. they are made by a company who used to exhibit at the comic-con in san diego, planet studios, in new mexico.

during the con there are always exhibitors i look forward to seeing every year. it is a reunion of sorts with friends. they stopped exhibiting after their licensing contracts with marvel and dc comics came to an end. they have continued to manufacture some incredible pins for companies like hallmark cards.

*sigh

when last i saw libby and her husband she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. she was very upbeat and determined to beat the illness.

tonight when i went to look at the site i was thinking of libby and perhaps contacting her to see how things have gone. i also wanted to tell her how much i have loved the pins designs i have seen. (in fact, [livejournal.com profile] djkitty i have been saving a pin to give you that is just darling)

i was crushed to discover that breast cancer has claimed yet another person who has touched my life.

i remember thy smile, libby.

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