elessa: (wickedly)
when being admitted to the hospital for some outpatient tests yesterday i was asked the requisite questions such as address, phone number, emergency contact, etc. the one that threw the admitting clerk for a loop was when she asked religious preference. i answered, "pagan."

i had to spell it for her. seriously.
elessa: (Default)
oh, man, my belly hurts from laughing very hard at this.

elessa: (obama)

a former campaign staffer for al franken, dusty trice, is teaching his dog to say "Obama" when asked "Who's your President?"

it looks to me like she is getting the hang of it.
elessa: (letter E)

(from the Norwegian TV show "Øystein og jeg". With Øystein Backe and Rune Gokstad. Written by Knut Nærum)
elessa: (wyveri)
NSFW durex ad )

here is a link to the outtakes on the designer's site. my face hurts from smiling at these.
elessa: (sexy)
this amused me. clicky on pic to go to article in the daily telegraph.

elessa: (tigre)
as seen on good morning, america, august 23 2006.

Pampam and Jason kept getting huge water bills. They knew beyond a doubt that the bills weren't representative of their actual usage, and no matter how they tried to conserve, the high bills continued. Although they could see nothing wrong, they had everything checked for leaks or problems: the water meter, outdoor pipes, indoor pipes, underground pipes, faucets, toilets, washer, ice maker, etc., all to no avail. One day Jason stayed home to do his work, but kept hearing water running downstairs. He finally got up to investigate, and stumbled onto the cause of the bills. Apparently this was happening all day long while Pampam was sleeping and Jason was at work.

elessa: (Default)
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, d own, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who
has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more t rash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here
and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning.
Today you voted."
elessa: (Default)
an easy visualisation of the presidential debates for those of us who preferred not to listen.

elessa: (aargh kitty)
when using electric coffee grinder, remember to pause two to three seconds after grinding to allow whirling blades to cease their rotation before lifting the lid.

thank you. that is all.
elessa: (wyveri)
I am Jessy by name and am here for a serious relationship.... am very caring,honest,humble..... I'm talking about fate here - when feelings are so powerful it's as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams,Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end, i saw your profile and that is why i sent u this mail and u can meet me in my mail id is redactedtoprotectthestupid@yahoo.com i will like to hear from u soon..

much love

received this message on myspace. the dude only has one friend at the moment... tom. you know tom, the myspace admin dude.

i can only shake my head.
elessa: (Default)
understanding art for geeks
the set is just too damn awesome!

is my favourite. thanks to everyone else to linked to the pics. i thoroughly enjoyed looking.
elessa: (smiles)

oh dear, i needed this! watch from beginning to end. tell me if you don't have a smile by the end.
elessa: (wyveri)

Summer Classes for Men
elessa: (wyveri)
a very interesting site. real or a spoof?

take your time to explore all the variations. it is quite amusing, not to mention very well done.

great pockets

July 2017



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