hard decision

[elessa]

over the past few weeks i have noticed my grumpy old man has had difficulty when eating. he has also begun getting sick to his stomach. not hairball sick. digestion sick.

*sigh

last night he threw up blood.

went to the vet clinic, gateway animal animal hospital (thanks, donnaricci!) to have him looked at.

he has an infection in his gums which will be treated with antibiotic drops. i am guessing from his reaction they taste nasty.

however, the vomiting is due to a rather massive internal tumor which was revealed by xray. the vet suggested surgery as an option. i declined.

he has had a good life. the pain of surgery, the recovery time would be long, and the uncertainty of whether it will even help at his age made me render the immediate decision of not to have surgery.

i had already contemplated the possibility of a prognosis like this. i was prepared to give that answer.

as long as he continues to be active, loving and happy i shall make him comfortable. i know he will tell me when he is ready to depart.

tis so hard to think about without tears.

i shall miss him so badly. he has been part of my life for nearly sixteen years. i can't imagine what it shall be like to come home to an empty apartment.

i shall enjoy the time i left with him in the meantime.