Among the Green Leaves

Due to the recent move of LJ to Russian servers and other factors, I am now on Dreamwidth. This account will go dark shortly.

https://elessa.dreamwidth.org/

Here is the article about what is happening to LJ users within Russia.

http://www.metafilter.com/164293/LiveJournal-represents-social-media-without-borders

If you are on Dreamwidth, please let me know your name so I can find you.

Fuck life

Moribund

Sake

Single

Moribund

Interesting word

In the house/condo hunt I have continued to look. Did so today in fact. Still looking. The one of the three that was most promising and at a really great affordable price is 1300 sq ft town house with a huge loft master bedroom with no door and a small downstairs bedroom. Tiny kitchen. Enclosed small slab patio 4'x8' so no place to plant anything. Detached garage. Upgraded vinyl windows. Baby grand piano.

Very tempting, but it is right beside the freeway. I can't picture having an interchange as the view from the master bedroom. When the windows are closed it is silent. However, crack a window the slightest bit and all you hear is the roar of the vehicles on the freeway. I like sleeping with windows open. The sound would drive me nuts.

With the criteria I have set which extends to fifteen miles outside of Portland the list today came up at 44 properties. A scan through showed a third of them were bankruptcy, foreclosure/bank owned, short sales or auction. None of which are drama I want to be involved in. There were a few that were being "sold as is" with no repairs to be made by seller.

Decision time for me is coming soon as my lease is up for renewal on Saturday. Renew for another year at a $90/mo increase? Go month to month with a $70/mo premium attached to the rent increase?

A bit disturbed about something. Yesterday I went to dinner with someone I haven't seen in ten years. Almost exactly ten years to the day at a funeral.

In this case my uncle. He is only a few years older than I am as he came pretty late in my grandparents life. Asked if I would like to get together while he was in town for a conference. I met him at the conference hotel in downtown. Off we went to walk around. Since he had never visited this city before I took him to a few of the areas it is known for within walking distance that have tourist cachet.

What disturbs me is that he crowded my personal space. He would walk so close to me that he was pressing his arm against me. At first I thought it was due to lack of space on the sidewalk. Experimented with moving to the side a number of times. He would immediately close in again. This happened everywhere we walked.

Maybe it is a good thing he lives a couple thousand miles away and I only see him every ten years or so.

I glance out the window at 5:35p in the Northern Hemisphere. It is pitch black outside. Does anyone else want to slit their wrists right about now or is it just me? Gah! I hate when it is dark early. Hate it with a passion.

My brain shuts down within an hour or so after the sunsets. I will be going to bed the next few months between 6:30p-7:00p. I have a very difficult time staying awake.

My body clock rhythm is wake with light, sleep when darkness falls. It already hates getting up at 5:00a in the dark. Now it will be dark/dark.

Fear of the unknown. In this case, the source of significant pain.

As a dutiful sheep I go every two years or so for a mammogram. When I haven't gone I receive postcards reminding me that I ought to. Who would have thought it would be difficult to actually schedule one when concerned about breast pain.

This morning I call to schedule a mammogram. Been there, done that. Except this time when the scheduler asks if there is any pain I answer "yes". Well, that changes everything. I cannot schedule an appointment without a referral from a doctor. Nevermind that the last three I have had I didn't need one. The reason given that that more tests will be conducted in addition to the mammogram.

Ok, fine.

Schedule a doctor appoint at a local care clinic with zoom in/zoom out services. (I love the facility and have been using it for four years). Anyway, doctor palpitates, but finds nothing out of the ordinary. Writes a referral due to my explaining I am in significant, unexplained pain.

Think ice pick being jammed into your body.

As soon as I walk out, I call the breast clinic to schedule a mammogram. Nope. Can't schedule. They need the doctor's order. I explain I have a hard copy of the order. How long will they remain open. Ok, another hour. I drive over.

It has now been seventeen minutes from the time I called to when I arrive. I hand over the copy. Nope. Can't schedule because it has to come directly from the doctor's office.

The receptionist calls the clinic. Theoretically an official copy will be received tomorrow. The scheduler should contact me.

All I know is that I am in serious pain that I want explained. I also know women who died from breast cancer as well as women who have survived it. I just hope that I don't have cancer.

Been having a very similar dream the past few nights. I wish I could suss out the meaning.

In the dream, I am caring for a snake. Possibly a rosy boa or similar type. Definitely one of the thicker types and about three feet long.

The snake has a medical issue which I am trying to tend to. I get out a pair of nail clippers to clip off the skin tag, when they become electrified. (The style of clipper is most certainly not electric in reality. They are the kind that you press down on a lever to close the blades.) The clippers slice into the snake's skin and burrow beneath to begin separating its flesh from the skeleton.

When the dream first started, the clippers only did a little bit of damage. I remember thinking that I could help the snake heal. I woke up.

I fell back to sleep and into the same dream. This time the clippers did significantly more damage to the snake.

Last night the dream had the clippers nearly shear all the flesh from the skeleton. The snake was still alive. Feelings of hopelessness that I could not help the snake heal. It was too badly damaged and would die.

WTF? What is the meaning in the psychology of dreams for this one? Why is it a running dream over two nights which has gotten progressively worse?

In order to lose weight I really need to stop eating dessert foods. It defeats the purpose of eating an otherwise "healthy" diet of vegetables and seafood on occasion. Hard to resist the temptation of all the sugary things at the office. Must figure out a way to convince myself that sugar cookies, lemon bars, and cupcakes are not in my best interest. But, damn, they taste so good.

Yeah, so good you have gained five pounds over the last few weeks. ~sigh

* Worked a week that was frustrating due to tasks which should have been simple and quick becoming complex. Speculation is that the programming being done by the corporate travel agency in order to streamline obtaining approval from management for purchased trips is causing the interface between the online travel tool and the agency to b0rk. I needed to book travel for twenty people for upcoming meetings and trade shows. Arbitrarily the website would decide someone who I have successfully booked travel for in the past no longer existed. Of course I can see their online profile, but when contacted the travel agent would state they could not. This would lead to a complete inability to book any trips through normal channels. When all was said and done each trip took over an hour per person to get booked. I was tempted many times to bang my head upon my desk as a means of creating physical pain to distract from the mental pain I was feeling at the time.

I am so very grateful that today is a Friday. Two days off to do nothing related to travel.

* Last night went to happy hour with some co-workers to a local brew pub where I indulged in their Scottish ale. It was interesting to me that the bartender seemed disdainful when describing how the brew would taste when I asked for something low in hops. So many people in the craft brew industry are married to the idea that a beer/ale has to be bitter tasting. Nothing can be farther from the truth. I dislike the flavour of hops. I much prefer a malty, caramel, slightly sweet tasting brew. The Scottish ale I had last night was extremely satisfying to my palate. Like an Irish stout it was pitch black in colour; not the reddish amber usually associated with a Scottish ale.

* I have been obsessing with the idea of replacing my ten year old car with a new Mustang. I laid eyes on a 2015 Mustang the other day. It was one of the most eye catching automotive body designs I have seen. I have been looking at various configurations on the Ford website while drooling. Unfortunately it is only a pipe dream. I cannot now, nor do I expect to in the future, have the money to afford car payments of any amount. I haven't had a car payment in the ten years since paying cash from an insurance settlement ten years ago for the 2004 Mustang I currently drive.

* I have the itch to travel. France keeps coming to the fore in my thoughts of where I would like to visit. Much like the time when everywhere I turned I saw or heard references to Santa Fe in 2001 that lead me to spend two weeks in New Mexico, I am having the same thing happen with references to France.

* A visit to the library had me perusing the inside of book jackets for synopses. In one the protagonist had an interesting variation spelling, Elyssa. I rather like the way that looks.

The library graciously allowed me to walk out with seven books. To me that is a lot to try to read in three weeks. Apparently that is a small number. The library allows up to fifty (50!) to be checked out at one time.

* I am happy that the days grow longer. It is nice to come home with a couple hours of sunlight left.

* Life continues apace.

Drunk and feeling it. Great bottle of wine was a gift from my boss. It is a 2012 Pinot Noir from Portlandia vintners http://www.portlandiavintners.com/.

Lots of thoughts in my head. Mostly lonely ones. Must suppress those bastards.